A Random Story With Currently No Name
by serpentine17ice
Summary: It's not always cliches, anticliches, noncliches. Sometimes during the last battle, it might not be so dramatic. It might be... spazzy. And weird. And for those who crave for these stories, here it is. Not exactly a Ron and Hermione shipper, but sort of.


**A/N: I know I'm meant to finish my other story (i.e. Not You Too!) but writing a random ficlet was too hard to resist! It's probably not that funny, but please review! Feel free to flame, if you want. **

**Disclaimer: It **_**could **_**be mine if I'm J.K. Rowling… but I'm not.**

**A Random Story with Currently No Name**

_Once upon a time; in a land far, far away; a battle/a war was fighting at bay…_

'REDUCTO!' screamed Voldemort, pointing his wand at Harry.

Harry ducked and, instead, the extremely powerful spell tore open the sky. It immediately began to rain and storm because what else would hide behind a bright chemically-made-blue sky?

Lightening flashed and thunder crackled as the black hole, behind the tear of the chemically-made-blue sky, expanded and engulfed the colorfulness, because it was a battle, and why on earth would it be sunny during battles? They were meant to be stormy, something tragic, and at least one person needed to die during it.

Which leads us back to…?

'HARRY POTTER!' screamed a fan-girl.

Voldemort blinked.

Harry blinked.

The little people (because what else would minor characters be called?) blinked.

'Who the devil are you?' asked Harry in a posh British accent.

'Elizabeth Anderson Beryl Tara Sapphire Jane Sarah Bridget Wendy Kelly Perpetua Mary Sue,' exclaimed the girl in one breath. 'I've come to be your cheerleader during the match! Isn't that exciting?'

'Potter has a cheerleader?' asked Voldemort horrified. His bottom lip (that is, if he has one) trembled. '_HOW COME I DON'T GET ONE?!_' he wailed.

'Err…' Harry glanced at the cheerleader who was busy enacting the letters of his name with her arms 'Give me an H! Give me an A! Give me an R! Give me an R! Give me a Y! What does that spell? Har-'

'Stupefy.' Said Harry. It didn't work.

'It spells… HARRY!' she screamed.

'Potter you idiot! Magic doesn't work on fan-girls!' Voldemort (who had stopped wailing by now) clicked his long fingers and several of his Death Eater minions surrounded the girl and covered her mouth with duct tape.

'Mmmf! Pff!' and with a flash, the duct tape fell off her mouth because nothing could stop fan-girls and nothing could hide their… err, inner ambitions. To be a fan-girl, that is.

Then she directed her attention to Voldemort.

'U! G! L! Y! You ain't got no alibi! You're ugly! Hey! Hey! You're ugly!' she yelled. '_And_, you look like Michael Jackson!'

'Do something you ugly white-faced moron!' screamed Harry. 'We need to get rid of her so we can… _carry on the battle_!' he then flipped his hair (which had grown longer for the purpose of being flipped) dramatically

'Well I don't see you trying to do anything Potter,' Voldemort replied acidly.

One of the spectators yelled out, 'Hurry up and kill each other! We're running out of popcorn!'

'Then refill it, fool!' he yelled back. 'And now, Potter, back to the _WAR_!'

Harry grumbled, and both wizards – one who knew only love, and one who knew only hate (and vice versa of white and black) – again arranged themselves in dueling positions.

'Avada Kedavra!' screamed Voldemort.

'Expelliarmus!' shouted Harry.

Two jets of light shot out of their wands and hit each other.

Golden beams radiated out of the connection point.

– _Blah, blah, blah… more useless crap that doesn't need to be repeated since it already happened in 'The Goblet of Fire'. – _

In the end, Voldemort got tired of history repeating itself, so decided to kill Harry the good old fashioned way – with a Reducto spell.

'REDUCTO!' he screamed (very much like a girl) at Harry, who was too busy beaming at the crowd (raising their hopes) to notice the incoming lethal spell.

'NOOOOO!' cried the fan-girl as well as all the other little people.

'YAAAAAAY!' cried the Death Eater minions of Voldemort.

Harry Potter aka 'the Chosen One' aka 'the Boy-Who-Lived' aka 'Scar-head' blew to pieces and blood and blobs of charred flesh rained down upon the spectators.

'If I knew it was going to rain, I would've brought an umbrella.' Muttered the Popcorn Man.

'Die Harry Potter, _DIE_!' screamed Voldemort aka You-Know-Who aka He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named aka 'the Dark Lord' aka 'Man with No Nose' in an oh-so-girlish way. He continued to laugh maniacally.

'No! Harry!' cried the fan-girl who then turned out to be an attractive Hermione Granger, since lots of fan fiction authors mutate her into dumb girly hot stuff. 'Don't die!' Even as blood spattered her cheeks, failing to degrade her as beautiful people stay beautiful forever (in books that is).

'So that's where Hermione went.' Murmured Ron – who had been searching for her for the past hour. 'No wonder none of the spells and duct tape worked on her. She's too smart.'

'You horrible, evil, twisted Michael Jackson look-alike! Do you _know _what you've done?' she screamed at Voldemort, pointing her wand at him with a deadly look on her face.

He, having been conquered by the dead spirit of a mudblood, had no wish to be conquered by a second one.

'Um… sorry?'

'Sorry won't make the sky chemically blue and whole again! Sorry won't turn the grass green again! And _sorry _won't piece Harry together and make him alive again! Sorry doesn't do ANYTHING!' she shrieked.

Before he could reply, a lightening bolt came out of the black hole and zapped him to death since this fan author does not know what to do with him anymore.

Hermione looked surprised. 'That was… unexpected.'

'Oh Hermione!' Ron cried. 'That was so brilliant, so smart, so… _you_ to think of that!'

'But I didn't do anything.' She said, confused.

'It doesn't matter, since you're the smart one, 60 of every victory is attributed to you.'

'Okay…' she backed away. 'Has the whole world gone insane?'

'Look who's talking. You were the one who dressed up as a fan girl.'

'That was because Malfoy made me.'

'Did not!' cried Malfoy from the crowd.

'Did so!' she cried back. 'And how come you're not arrested yet?'

As soon as she said that, Malfoy vanished. There were no Dementors around, but the Ministry – finally coming up with a smart idea for once – had devised a magical spell that nobody's ever heard of in the books. Nobody was even sure if it was a real spell. But of course it had to be. Otherwise, why would it work?

'So Hermione,' whispered Ron.

'Ron, why are you whispering?'

'Shh! _They _might hear us!'

'Who?'

'Them! I don't know their names, but stories always have those sorts of people who eavesdrop and listen in on trivial conversations! They might hear us!'

'Oh, Ron, those… _people _for a lack of better words, don't exist!'

'Yes they do! Now, listen carefully. I know I'm only a sidekick, but so are you, so will you marry me?'

Hermione's mouth dropped open, and no amount of pushing them up could clamp them shut again.

'Come again?'

'Marry me! Harry's dead, so it's only fitting for us two to stick together! Besides, it makes much more sense than you going out or marrying,' he started to make a list in the air with his wand:

1. Draco Malfoy

2. Blaise Zabini

3. Severus Snape

4. Lucius Malfoy

5. Ginny Weasley **(A/N: For all those Ginny/Hermione freaks out there)**

6. Seamus Finnegan

7. Dean Thomas

8. Ernie Macmillan

9. Terry Boot

10. Other random minor male/female characters, depending on your preferences or tastes

'You see?' he added. 'We are so perfect together!' **(A/N: No, no, no! They are not perfect! They are a bad pairing! I want Dramione!)**

'Yeah! We're like-'

'Peanut butter and jelly-'

'Butter on raisin toast-'

'Mashed potatoes and gravy-'

'Salt and vinegar chips-'

'Spaghetti and meatballs-'

'Vanilla flavored ice-cream… and-'

'MILK AND COOKIES!' they both screamed out together.

And so, they happily skipped together towards the horizon – never looking back to comfort those grievously injured (even though it was just a one-to-one duel so, technically, no one should have gotten _that _hurt), never looking back towards their past, always onwards towards the bright, bright, synthetically (and vomit inducing) bright future…

… _And now, children, you have finished the story that does not (and never will) make sense. It has no morals, it is not a fable and it does not teach you anything except that the meaning of life is to not write useless fanfics to which strangers (who could well be perverted fifty-year-old men) will flame._

_Now eat your vegetables and what-not, drink your milk, and go to bed._

_The End._

**A/N: I'm so sorry if I bored or insulted anyone directly or indirectly! It was meant to be funny, but I suppose the reality of it is that it isn't. I don't mind if anyone flames or reviews, it doesn't matter either way. By the way, some of the stuff there, I really hated. The fan girl, the chemically blue sky (yes, the sky is chemically blue), the other stuff, like the inevitable Ron/Hermione shipper… -shudders-**

**So then, R&R or flame! There's the blue button. Click on it. Something might happen.**

**This reminds me, a lunar eclipse is occurring in Australia right… now. Honestly. It is.**


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